How to Be a Footballer: Signed Edition (Hardback)Peter Crouch (author)
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You become a footballer because you love football. And then you are a footballer, and you're suddenly in the strangest, most baffling world of all.
A world where one team-mate comes to training in a bright red suit with matching top-hat, cane and glasses, without any actual glass in them, and another has so many sports cars they forget they have left a Porsche at the train station. Even when their surname is incorporated in the registration plate.
So walk with me into the dressing-room, to find out which players refuse to touch a football before a game, to discover why a load of millionaires never have any shower-gel, and to hear what Cristiano Ronaldo says when he looks at himself in the mirror.
We will go into post-match interviews, make fools of ourselves on social media and try to ensure that we never again pay £250 for a haircut that should have cost a tenner.
We'll be coached and cajoled by Harry Redknapp, upset Rafa Benitez and be soothed by the sound of an accordion played by Sven-Goran Eriksson's assistant Tord Grip. There will be some very bad music and some very bad decisions. I am Peter Crouch. This is How To Be A Footballer. Shall we?
Publisher: Ebury Publishing
Number of pages: 320
Dimensions: 240 x 156 mm
'Peter Crouch is a comedy genius' - The Daily Mail
'The funniest man in British sport' - Metro