Sally Green's 10 Witches Who Should be Making a Comeback
Here are Sally’s Top 10 Witches who should be making a comeback…
Maleficent (the Disney version)
“Maleficent from Walt Disney’s 1959 version of Sleeping Beauty is the archetypal Black Witch. She has it all from the clothes to the crow… But unfortunately she’s not actually a witch, she’s a fairy. A fairy! This perhaps explains why her spells seem to lack true horror. Maleficent performs an enchantment at Aurora’s christening which will mean death by spindle, but the enchantment is countered by another ‘good’ fairy’s spell and so sleep, rather than death, is the result. All I can say is that I’m more impressed by Maleficent’s head-gear than by her evil spells…”
Samantha and her mother, Endora (from Bewitched)
“Bewitched was one of my favourite TV programmes from the sixties. Samantha is a witch but wants to live the life of a normal human because of her love for her husband, Darrin, whilst Endora constantly tries, and fails, to break up her daughter’s happy marriage. As a child I adored Samantha and feared her mother, Endora.
You will be pleased to hear that I now realise the error of my ways. Samantha is awful – the typical goody White Witch who cutely twitches her nose to make everything alright, and weirdly seems to wear similar clothes to those sported by Dolores Umbridge (more of her further on). Now, I find Endora delightful as Samantha’s frustrated-yet-rather-bored mother who wants her daughter to act like a real witch. Witches like Endora really should be making a comeback.”
“I have to admit I didn’t watch many episodes of Buffy The Vampire Slayer, and when I did Willow always seemed to be reading a book (admittedly a large, leather-bound tome, but still a book) – which didn’t strike me as a very witchy thing to do. Being book-ish is such a good disguise for a witch that I wasn’t sure Willow was one, but a Buffy-mad friend of mine confirmed the truth of it. I wondered if perhaps Willow was an American forerunner of the even more book-ish Hermione Granger of Harry Potter but it seems they both made their appearance in the same year (1997 was the first airing of Buffy and the publication of Harry Potter) – coincidence? Or perhaps there is something more mysterious afoot…?”
The Witches of Eastwick
“Oh dear, nothing mysterious here, I think the picture says it all.
Based on the John Updike novel, The Witches of Eastwick – Cher, Susan Sarandon and Michelle Pfeiffer – are (according to the blurb) sex-starved… No, I can’t go on. This is just an excuse to ogle scantily-clad, beautiful women and for some reason the photo reminds me of Charlies Angels – ’nuff said.
Hopefully these kind of witches, and I include that lot from ‘Charmed’, will not be making a comeback.”
“This is more like it. Ravenna is the Queen in Snow White and the Huntsman, played by Charlize Theron – and, with a name like that, I think we all know that black birds are going to be involved. Ravenna is not referred to as a witch but she does use witchcraft to try to kill Snow White, which seems a decent indicator (although all her plans inevitably fail!). One of the great aspects of this film is the magical mirror, which has more personality and appeal than either Snow White or the Huntsman…”
Miss Eva Ernst, Grand High Witch of All The World
“Miss Eva Ernst, in the 1990 film version of Roald Dahl’s The Witches, is all that you’d want from a Grand High Witch (including being played by Anjelica Huston), though she has no toes, not much hair and a terrible plan for world domination. I could have told her that trying to organise witches, and to have a convention to do so, would end badly. She only has to watch a few witchy films to know that complicated potions always backfire. Here, the potion that will make all children of England turn into mice so that they will be killed as pests by their parents is consumed (surprise, surprise) by all the witches instead, and the kitchen staff chop them all to bits.”
“Geraldine McEwan is great as Mortianna in Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves. I seem to remember that she has an altar, upturned crosses and bones about the place and thinks too much of a reading she has made that foretells her death at the hands of ‘the painted man’ (why don’t they just say tattooed?), Morgan Freeman. She is nasty, ugly, totally potty and actually a bit scary. More please!”
“Myca, from The Crow (the 1994 film starring Brandon Lee) doesn’t declare herself a witch but I think we all know that she has to be one – there’s the unusual name, her black clothing (though not much of it), her painted body (some might call them tattoos), the wonderful mix of evil, beauty, sex-appeal and pottiness… and the black bird is a bit of a giveaway, too.
Myca is also smart and her cunning is the most frightening thing about her (at last, the audience can get excited about the possibility of a sensible plan to kill off the hero!). She realises that the way to defeat the already dead (but not dead enough) Eric Draven is to use the crow which somehow represents his spirit. Hmmm, already it’s sounding a bit complicated and yes, the plan backfires eventually.
I really would like some bad witches like Myca to succeed more often!”
Jadis, The White Witch
“In one of my favourite childhood books, The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe, Jadis has gained power over Narnia and has brought a 100-year-long winter (I still spend too much time wondering what everyone eats: do they ship it in from warmer climes? Have they a big store from summery days?…)
Still, Jadis is frightening and bucks the black-clothing trend beautifully. It’s interesting how easy it is to assume she’s nice based on the fact she wears white (and one can sympathise with Edmund for falling for her lies); it would be so obvious she was bad if she wore black. She is evil and cruel, yet pushing the addictive Turkish Delight onto Edmund does seem terribly English and a little tame… Although it hints at food being shipped in from the Med, which puts my mind at rest a little!”
“Now we’re talking! Of course I could write pages about the numerous witches in Harry Potter books/films, and certainly choosing between Dolores and Bellatrix Lestrange is difficult. But Dolores is unusual for a witch. Yes, she is cruel and vindictive – she tortures children, scarring their hands with a pen that cuts into their skin as it writes – and yes, she will resort to the Cruciatus curse. But she also keeps cats, wears pink and speaks in a particularly irritatingly-cutesy voice.
Anyone who demonstrates so clearly that pink is evil wins my vote.”
Fancy a bite-size introduction to the world of Half Bad? Sally’s brand new short story, Half Truths, is out on 3rd November.
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