Quarter Final: Sir Arthur Conan Doyle vs Neil Gaiman

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

Special Attack:Consulting detective Sherlock Holmes

Advantages

  • Launched crime fiction into the mainstream
  • Has innate knowledge of weapons, poisons, disguises and beekeeping

Disadvantages

  • Has tried to kill Sherlock Holmes once already

Neil Gaiman

Special attack: Sleeper hold

Advantages

  • Adored, award-winning author of fantasy and graphic novels
  • King of the Faeries

Disadvantages

  • Only exists partially in this world
  • Mobbed by fans wherever he goes

 

How we think it’d play out…

“Aha! A classic indicator,” said Doyle, peering through his magnifying glass at what appeared to be a large footprint.

“Come on then,” started Gaiman, “what in all the worlds does this one indicate?”

Doyle and Gaiman had been exploring these woods for some time now, both gradually getting more and more frustrated with the other’s distinct approach. The aim was simple, there’d been a murder at a small cabin on the edge of the woods, a brutal, vicious murder, and with no leads, it was up to Doyle and Gaiman to investigate.

Ignoring the sarcastic tone of Gaiman’s previous comment, Doyle continued: “Well, despite some people’s blatant disregard for all things logical, this my friend, tells us that the perpetrator may not have been exactly human.”

“Aha!” Gaiman exclaimed, “So we agree on something?”

“Not quite, Gaiman. What I’m implying is that the culprit is an animal, most likely a bear I think, but we’ll need to investigate further.”

“What about one of the Endless, maybe it was Destruction roaming through these lands, or Dream, or even Death! Come on Doyle, live a little!”

“Calm down, Gaiman,” uttered Doyle, “there’s no two ways about it. A bear has clearly wandered through these woods of late. Now I’m not saying this case is as simple as that but it’s a lead in an otherwise dead case. Let’s follow the footprints and…”

In the midst of all their discussion the pair had failed to notice the presence of a huge, growling grizzly bear less than a metre from them.

“Come on then Doyle, how’s your logic going to get us out of this one?” Gaiman whispered, surprisingly unfazed by the turn of events.

“Erm… I … well…” stuttered Doyle.

“Exactly! You can’t!” scorned Gaiman. Just as the bear was about to strike, it froze as if gripped by some unknown fear. What could possibly deter this mighty beast? Why would it stop now? Was it dead? Doyle spun round to see what could have possibly transfixed this creature.

“Dream,” Doyle murmured. Suddenly the bear softened and slumped down to the ground, almost disappearing into the undergrowth. “I might have known this case had something to do with you, Gaiman! I should have recognised your methods of supernatural trickery!”

“What else could I do, this case was dry! When we were assigned to it what else could I do but seize the opportunity? I needed to prove to you that my fantasy is just as good, if not better than your logical, methodical approach!”

“So you threaten me with a bear, risk my life!”

“Oh come on, your life was never in danger, I was making a point!”

The bear roared and reared its beastly head as Doyle whimpered in despair, still unsure of how real the threat would be.

“Now you calm down, Doyle. The bear won’t hurt you, just get out of the woods before the trance fully wears off,” Gaiman said. He commanded Dream to release the bear from his magical grip as they both took to the skies and flew off with the faeries, leaving Doyle to escape the woods alone.

PREDICTED WINNER: NEIL GAIMAN

 

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One thought on “Quarter Final: Sir Arthur Conan Doyle vs Neil Gaiman

  1. I want Neil to win, but I suspect that Conan-Doyle is more ruthless, which would give him an edge. Unless of course this is fictional-Neil from Paul Cornell’s ‘Severed Streets’, in which he will win, hands down.

What do you think?